Word Vomit

For the past three weeks, I have been working.  For the past two weeks, Lennon has been in daycare.  I really lucked out by finding Shawna, she's so nice and caring and I trust leaving Lennon in her care.  But it kills me that she is spending time with my daughter, that she has seen her take her first steps - and I haven't.  I know I am doing right by going to work and saving up money for me and Lennon so we no longer have to rely on my parents for everything, but it's so hard.

It's hard not making the amount of money I thought I would.  It's hard paying for everything again.  It all adds up.  And it makes me stressed out to the extreme.  I wish I had a partner that would help me out with things, but then I don't want to be "that girl" that has to rely on a man.  Ugh!  I want to be strong for Lennon, and show her that her Mommy did everything to provide for her.  

Right now I'm working Monday to Friday, 8:00 am to 2:00 pm.  That's the hours that Shawna is open until, since she has night classes at ASU West to finish her degree in Child Psych.  I don't want to cut into her study/class time by asking for an extra hour here and there so I can pick up some more jobs to make more money... so I've decided that after this month, I might work every other Saturday as well.  Don't hold me to this though, I'm just letting out all my thoughts right now.

I just want to go snuggle up on Lennon and tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me, see her little smile when she sees me standing by her crib... she makes my bad days go away <3